Apparently, with only two days left here, our short-timer has run out of things to do …
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From: Chris McInnis <chris.mcinnis@goawaydirtbagspammers.com>
Date: Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 8:37 AM
Subject: Cookies!
To: rtraction <theteam@isaidgoawaydirtbagspammers.com>
Please help yourself to some home-made cookies (on Noah’s desk).
Please note: While completely safe for most of you, the cookies do contain traces of a rare pharmaceutical compound, Vaxator. This compound, while completely harmless on its own, may react violently and unpredictably when taken in combination with Vaxadrin, which I have been carefully slipping into Shawn’s water over the past three weeks.
Side effects of combining the two may include any or all of the following:
- Dry Mouth
- Severe Weight Loss
- Restless Leg Syndrome
- Restless Arm Syndrome
- Restless Torso syndrome
- Massive weight gain
- Phantom Hand Syndrome
- Vivid dreams of self-cannibalism
- Scruffula
- Bad humors
- Late onset albinoism
- Spontaneous pregnancy
- Increased risk of vampire attack
- Hairy Uvula
- Speaking in tongues
- Increased appetite
- Permanent blindness
- Mild kidney explosions
- Testicular cranberrying
- Rectal hallucinations
- Pulminary weevils
- Brain tooth
- Reemergence of the umbilical cord
- Vein seizures
- Aortal collapse
- Monkey-lung
- Lactose addiction
- X-ray hearing
- Prolonged erections, but… not where you’d hope
- Lung-fire
- Eye-curdling
- Abdominal migration
- Urethral nodding
- Honus Wagner’s disease
- Carcassing
- Gopherism
- Multi-brow
- Tracheal meerkat colonies
- Involuntary Narnia adventures
- ADHDEAD
- Testicular myopia
- Warlock hump
- Scrappy Doo-ism
- Rocky Mountain oysterism
- Grover Norquist syndrome
- Rectal buffalo wings
- Thoracic geysers
- Nostril inversion
- Inability to breathe on weekends
- Rectal frosting
- Arby’s Mouth
- Tennis Scrotum
- Pituitary ferns
- Skeletal Xylophoning
- Lung Teriyaki