Apparently, with only two days left here,  our short-timer has run out of things to do …

———- Begin message ———-
From: Chris McInnis <chris.mcinnis@goawaydirtbagspammers.com>
Date: Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 8:37 AM
Subject: Cookies!
To: rtraction <theteam@isaidgoawaydirtbagspammers.com>

Please help yourself to some home-made cookies (on Noah’s desk).

Please note: While completely safe for most of you, the cookies do contain traces of a rare pharmaceutical compound, Vaxator. This compound, while completely harmless on its own, may react violently and unpredictably when taken in combination with Vaxadrin, which I have been carefully slipping into Shawn’s water over the past three weeks.

Side effects of combining the two may include any or all of the following:

• Dry Mouth
• Severe Weight Loss
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Restless Arm Syndrome
• Restless Torso syndrome
• Massive weight gain
• Phantom Hand Syndrome
• Vivid dreams of self-cannibalism
• Scruffula
• Bad humors
• Late onset albinoism
• Spontaneous pregnancy
• Increased risk of vampire attack
• Hairy Uvula
• Speaking in tongues
• Increased appetite
• Permanent blindness
• Mild kidney explosions
• Testicular cranberrying
• Rectal hallucinations
• Pulminary weevils
• Brain tooth
• Reemergence of the umbilical cord
• Vein seizures
• Aortal collapse
• Monkey-lung
• Lactose addiction
• X-ray hearing
• Prolonged erections, but… not where you’d hope
• Lung-fire
• Eye-curdling
• Abdominal migration
• Urethral nodding
• Honus Wagner’s disease
• Carcassing
• Gopherism
• Multi-brow
• Tracheal meerkat colonies
• Involuntary Narnia adventures
• ADHDEAD
• Testicular myopia
• Warlock hump
• Scrappy Doo-ism
• Rocky Mountain oysterism
• Grover Norquist syndrome
• Rectal buffalo wings
• Thoracic geysers
• Nostril inversion
• Inability to breathe on weekends
• Rectal frosting
• Arby’s Mouth
• Tennis Scrotum
• Pituitary ferns
• Skeletal Xylophoning
• Lung Teriyaki